Life Lessons From The Sopranos

SPOILERS AHEAD

In 2021, during the worst Covid-19 lockdown we had ever experienced, I decided to scroll through streaming services, hoping and praying that loadshedding wouldn't kick in and I'd find a show I would stick too. Eventually, I stumbled across The Sopranos, beautifully produced by David Chase. When it comes to TV shows, I don't watch new ones. I know that I love true crime and World War II documentaries, but this show sparked my obsession with the most influential group in American history—the Mafia.

There are a number of lessons to take away from this popular American Crime Drama, even if it is fictional.

Brief Background

It all began with an Italian-American family in 1997, 6 sensational seasons to be watched from all corners of the world. The Sopranos won numerous Emmys and Golden Globe Awards and was named one of Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time, solidifying the popularity it rightfully deserves. With an actor like the late James Gandolfini (Tony Soprano), this comes as no surprise.

The Makings of a Wise guy

A lot of fans will understand this quirky heading. A hilarious remark Junior Soprano (Dominic Chianese) mentions at the dinner table about his nephew. Although, it's not so much about a wise guy, but rather a varsity athlete.

Lesson 1: Family is Not Always Everything

In the pilot episode, we're introduced to Tony in a psychiatrist's office, where he emanates anxiety that comes with being a crime boss. No one knows this just yet.

As the episode continues, we meet Tony's mother, Livia Soprano (Nancy Marchand), a very smug and negative woman who has the makings of a toxic person. The same can be said for Uncle Junior. There's long-winded tension about the business in New Jersey and Livia's dismay about being sent to a 'retirement community.'

Both of these family members show vindictive, narcissistic traits. The more these characters interact, stubbornness becomes the main theme between Tony and Livia. And despite all the resources Tony used to help his mother - to no avail. Junior and Livia even go as far as trying to have her son whacked (killed) because he was seeing a therapist.

The lesson: toxic family members do exist; it's not just outsiders. You think you can trust someone you grew up with, but in reality, people change. If possible, it's important to recognise the roles within that relationship, set boundaries or distance yourself for total peace of mind.

Lesson 2: Trust

When something feels off, your gut is trying to tell you something. We see this in Season 2. One of Tony's most loyal and trusted wise guys ends up becoming an informant (rat) after an FBI raid, only to be killed for it later on. It took a while for Tony to accept such betrayal, but he knew what he had to do. It didn't end so well for Big P, as he met his demise. They call it "sleeping with the fishes."

It's been said that sometimes the mob will use someone's best friend or family member to take out a made member if they've broken any of the golden rules. Look at Livia and Junior—no one would have suspected that they would conspire against their own. Tony would later learn who was behind his botched hit, leading him to take a new stance by cutting off all ties with his mother.

The lesson: Trust is based on the promises you make, the subsequent actions that follow, and the consequences of those actions. No matter who you confide in, be wary of what you say and to whom you say it. Once it's broken, it's hard to get it back.

Lesson 3: Keep Your Friends Close & Enemies Closer

The New York crime family and the Soprano family are tied to a number of illegal businesses and unions. It wasn't until Phil Leotardo (Frank Vincent) became a regular on the show that we start to notice patterns of compromise, complaints, and grudges. He definitely doesn't let go of issues easily; in fact, he has a violent tendency to "sort people out."

Over the course of the show, both Tony and Phil go head-to-head over financial disputes and personal vendettas, all of which involve violence, threats, and confrontation. In season 6, when Tony tries to negotiate a fair share of their business, Phil sticks to his guns, insinuating that the ball is in his court. No exceptions.

The lesson: What someone says versus what they actually mean is a skill in its own right. Whether you're trying to get a new client or deciding what's for dinner, negotiating is not so easy, especially if someone wants full control of the situation. The lesson here also depends on what you’re dealing with. Keep in mind that not everyone has your best interest at heart when it comes to disputes, decision making, or advice.

Lesson 4: Sticking Together

In Season 3, the "Pine Barrens" episode, we see a whole new level of comedy and drama. Paulie 'Walnuts' (Tony Sirico) and Christopher (Michael Imperioli) spend the entire episode hunting down a poor russian bloke who owed money to Tony. Paulie was meant to collect the money, but ended up creating more chaos than necessary. All in all, the dynamic duo were up to no good.

Throughout the entire series, you can see that these two had a close relationship until the very end. Chris and Paulie had a bromance like no one else's in the series, it was pure gold.

Even though the situation was tense and they had no idea what to do, their sense of humour, cat fights, and presence made it all the more enjoyable. Eventually, Tony and his sidekick, Bobby Baccalieri (Steve Schirripa), found them in the knick of time.

The lesson: For better or worse, look after those who genuinely care for you and they will (or should) reciprocate. Also, be sure to have your cellphone charged and keep non-perishable food on hand, no matter where you go

Lesson 5: Life is Short

The final season of the show really delves into the anger and hostility that had been building up between the crew and the families. They go into full-out war, all because of greed and power. From informants and affairs to murder, the plot kept me on the edge of my seat, not knowing what would happen to the Soprano crew. Eventually, many good characters were taken out, and it became clear who would win.

As Carmella Soprano says in Season 4, "Everything comes to a f*%$ing end."

Lesson: No amount of power or money will keep you away from prying eyes or jealous rivals. The point is to be humble and enjoy what you have while you have it.

Side note: The controversial ending of Season 6, "Made in America," became a talking point for decades and is still discussed today. Regardless of what David Chase had in mind, everyone has their own theory about what happened that fateful day.